According to ancient tradition (established in 2001), the full & proper celebration of Narwhal Day requires three deliberate acts:
One, recite "The Oath of Narwhal Day," the sincerity or lack of same being on one's own conscience;
Two, wear at least one item of clothing, gray in color;
Three, listen to "Sympathy for the Narwhal" by D.J. Seaghost, an ally of The Aquabats!, the song that inspired the creation of Narwhal Day.
The Oath of Narwhal Day
The narwhal is a noble, pitiable creature,
A magnificent, monstrous visage.
An asymmetrical tooth for a horn,
Or sometimes two, or sometimes none,
Half again as long as the beast.
I swear my sympathy for the narwhal.
I will not lie and convince it all is well,
But I will be a friend to the narwhal.
The mocking dolphins and snobby manatees
Will get their well-earned comeuppance,
And the narwhal will frolic all day.
I dream this dream of the narwhal
And celebrate it in all its improbable, oddball glory,
On this the fifteenth Narwhal Day.
Commentary: Your humble narrator does not cut & paste the "Oath" from one year to another, but always retypes it directly from the original "Oath." The dodgy grammar of the original is retained, though the misspelling of manatees as "manates" is corrected. On the same sheet of paper, beneath the word-processed "Oath," is the following:
"the Narwhal (Monodon monoceros)—also narwal or narwhale"
The Rebel Black Dot Song of Narwhal Day!
D.J. Seaghost, "Sympathy for the Narwhal" from The Aquabats! and Horchata Records Present Rice Capades Music Sampler, Vol. 1 (Captain Thumbs Up!)
Commentary: A few weeks hence at the Moonbase Summit, I mentioned Rice Capades. The Ace chortled, highly amused. Rice Capades is such a simple, stupid joke, & yet it never fails to amuse. 'Tis emblematic of an era, a golden age that we at the time were only too joyously aware was a golden age. Long may the memories endure!
"Play something sad. Convince it all is not well."
As the "Oath" indicates, we here at The Secret Base are opposed to lying to the narwhal. We will not convince it all is well, yet at the same time neither should we unfairly convince it all is not well. We are perfectly comfortable lying to human babies, who need reassurance & peace of mind. Convincing a narwhal-costumed baby all is not well would be unconscionably cruel.
Narwhal Day continues to amuse & befuddle. FaceSpace comrades whom I also know in the real world query me about Narwhal Day in the week leading up to the great fête, always unsure of what it occurring. In a lovely blast from the past, I was text messaged a photograph from the Sardine, a screen-cap of the National Geographic's Instagram account, showing a pod of narwhals tusking. I use a "dumbphone" & stubbornly refuse to use the mobile interwebs, so things do not move seemlessly from my mobile to the broader internets. The image is now the "wallpaper" on my mobile, which I find persistently delightful. We must remember that it was the Sardine, for whom I used to lust, who inspired these lines:
"A short skirt,
A Gimmes shirt,
A Jones soda,
Ain't life grand?"
It was also suggested to me this past week that I investigate the process for having Narwhal Day recognized as an official holiday. I have no such interest. I am no "libertarian" anarchist, but I don't see why Narwhal Day should require Leviathan's seal of approval. Narwhal Day is not a holiday of the bureaucrats, not a holiday to be moved from 23 May to the following Monday in order to give our Mandarin overlords a three-day weekend. Narwhal Day need not be listed on any official calendar so long as Narwhal Day persists in the heart. Let your heart yearn for frigid Arctic waters & your thoughts dwell on that most bizarre little whale. On this one day at least, have sympathy for the narwhal.
The Wayback Machine Tour of Narwhal Day
Narwhal Day '14 | Narwhal Day '13
Narwhal Day '12 | Narwhal Day '11
Narwhal Day '10 | Narwhal Day '09
Narwhal Day '08 | Narwhal Day '07a & Narwhal Day '07b
Narwhal Day '06 | Narwhal Day '05
Narwhal Day '04 | Narwhal Day '03
Sympathetic Narwhal Day!
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