Whack-A-Mole: Preliminary Round 1 - A Vote For Kodos Special
LEFTY: To begin the persuasion, I would like to point out that you are a liberally minded individual. My question is, then, why not vote for the liberal party? Is it strictly a matter of foreign policy? Is it America's past attempts at a Democratic administration? Before we get into why you should, I feel we should re-establish why you do not.

RIGHTY: It is incomplete to say that I am "a liberally minded individual." True, I am socially liberal and do not like the cultural conservatism of the so-called Christian Right, but I do not believe it would be accurate to describe the Democratic Party as a liberal monolith. Much of the recent resistance to gay marriage has come from black church leaders, a socially conservative group who are traditional Democratic voters. Also, I believe the Democratic Party to be a stagnant body of small-minded individuals: while public schools fail, they resist any notion of reform; while the welfare system perpetuates and encourages the continuance of an underclass, they resist any notion of reform; while the world changes around us, they offer only criticism and mockery, while refusing to engage in a substantive policy debate. It would be fair to say I see the leadership of the Democratic Party as Lenin's apocryphal "useful idiots."

Also, yes, I generally take a dim view of the accomplishments of our nation's Democratic administrations, with the exception of my boy Harry Truman, going all the way back to Franklin Roosevelt.