This Week in Motorsport

Rally Monkey
European Rally Championship
Round 1
Internationale Jänner Rallye
3-5 January 2014

I discovered late last year that the European Rally Championship (E.R.C.) was broadcast on the Velocity channel, part of the Discovery Communications galaxy of network. (Velocity carried programing that originated on France's Eurosport, now majority owned by Discovery.) The 2013 rallies were aired late in the year, often months after they were initially run; I hope that this year's rallies will be broadcast throughout the year, mere weeks after each rally, but I have no information about Velocity's plans. My scouring of the television listing has yet to turn up any coverage of this year's Jänner Rallye, but hope springs eternal.

Dakar Rally
35th Running
5-18 January 2014

The Dakar Rally (Wayback Machine 1 & Wayback Machine 2) is one of the world's truly great sporting events, a proof of the words long attributed to Ernest Hemingway: "There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor-racing, & mountaineering; all the rest are merely games." A pall was cast over this year's Dakar, though not by the demise of a competitors & a pair of journos, because it is these men's willingness to risk all, &, yes, to lose all, in pursuit of the achievement that is the Dakar that proves the endeavor's worth. (Watch for the forthcoming post, "Last Year in Motorsport," a discourse of mortality in motorsport.) No, the pall was cast by unsporting behavior by the X-Raid team, whose Mini Countrymen swept the podium in the "car" class. The Minis were the class of this year's Dakar, of that there is no doubt: in addition to occupying all three spots on the podium, Minis were seven of the top ten finishers. The problem is that in the last few stages, they ordered their drivers to hold station, not to pass one another, not to compete, but simply to drive slowly & carefully to the end in the order they were in at that moment. This lead to the embarrassing spectacle of one Mini, driven by Frenchman Stéphane Peterhansel, pulling off to the side of the road & remaining stationary for over seven minutes until passed by the Mini of Spaniard Nani Roma. Boo! Boo! Dirty pool! X-Raid & Mini have earned my enduring enmity. I will forever root against any Mini in any competition anywhere.

Glorious sport prevailed over underhanded team orders in the truck, "bike," & "quad" classes. This was only my second Dakar, but as with my initial encounters with the 24 Heures du mans & Formula One, I know that I have stumbled onto a long-term passion.

World Rally Championship
Round 1
Rallye Automobile Monte-Carlo
16-18 January 2014

Last year, the World Rally Championship (W.R.C.) was broadcast on American television on the Mav.T.V. network (stylized as MAVTV, which is just nonsense, & pronounced "Mav-Tee-Vee;" I have determined the placement of the punctuation marks by the channel's original name, Maverick Television). The rallies were always broadcast a few weeks after they were run, so we shall see if that pattern holds true this year. In the meanwhile, I can follow the action via videos on the W.R.C. website (www.wrc.com), though television is of course preferred.

By Endurance We Conquer
United SportsCar Championship
Round 1
(sponsor) 24 at Daytona (A.K.A. the "24 Hours of Daytona")
25-26 January 2014 ***upcoming***

The American Le Mans Series (A.L.M.S.) is now owned by N.A.S.C.A.R & has been merged with N.A.S.C.A.R.'s own Grand-Am (sponsor) Sports Car Series to form a new, united, North American endurance racing championship, the uninspiringly named United Sports Car Championship (U.S.C.C.). The new series's mantra has been, "Getting it right,the first time;" this is poppycock, as the first announced name for the new series was the even more lame United SportsCar Racing, which lead to all sorts of awkwardness as commentators referred to the "new United SportsCar Racing... series." Those arrogant morons at N.A.S.C.A.R. didn't get it right the first time, & got it only slightly less wrong the second time, with the U.S.C.C. name. Also, that brood of vipers is apparently so inbred that it thinks "sports car" is one word, SportsCar.

My cup overfloweth with hatred for N.A.S.C.A.R., but I am trying to keep an open mind. The new series does take the endurance aspect of endurance racing seriously, at least, with four races comprising the "North American Endurance Championship": the 24 Hours of Daytona, the 12 Hours of Sebring, the Six Hours of the Glen (Watkins Glen), & the ten-hour Petit Le Mans. If the enterprise is to prosper, there will surely be bumps on the road, especially as they try to strike the right balance between the brilliant, high-tech hares of the old A.L.M.S. & the brutish, low-tech tortoises of the old Grand-Am. This weekend's Daytona 24 won't tell us much, because it is only the first race & because Daytona is a staggeringly uninteresting racing venue; the shape of things to come will became more clear at March's 12 Hours of Sebring.

I am deeply conflicted, because my heart wants to new series to succeed, but my brain doubts that it will, doubts that it can. The old Grand-Am series had only a fraction of the popularity of the A.L.M.S., even with all the supposed marketing acumen behind it. I attribute this to the technological primitiveness of the cars & the capriciousness of the officiating by the Grand-Am Road Racing Association (a wholly-owned subsidiary of N.A.S.C.A.R.). The new U.S.C.C. has already taken some steps to emulate the technological retardation of Grand-Am, a worrisome sign. I've been wrong before, & I'm hoping I'll be proved wrong this time.

Lies, Damned Lies, & the News
I heard the a fascinating exchange yesterday on N.P.R.'s All Things Considered, in a piece discussing the rough first year of President Obama's second term. The Obama "magic," as they termed it, was so diluted that they even felt free to take right-wing-style potshots at the excesses of the cult of personality in '08 & '09:

Host: "He was given the Nobel Peace Prize, essentially, for being Barack Obama."
Guest: "And for not being George W. Bush."

The tribunes of the self-anointed "Fourth Estate" are a little late to the party, having for too many years been active members of that selfsame cult of personality, but we here at The Secret Base are firm believes that late is better than never. I'm not asking the journos at N.P.R. to join the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy, for that would be as improper as their formerly cultish devotion to Mr. Obama. But I greet with warmth & enthusiasm every small sign of responsible journalism's return, however halting & halfway. Don't be right-wing mouthpieces & don't be left-wing bomb-throwers, just be the dogged pursuers of the truth & defenders of the public interest that you've always claimed to be. Thank you, & welcome back.

The Rebel Black D.O.T. Song of the Day
Cake, "Long Line of Cars" from Comfort Eagle (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"From the streets of Sacramento to the freeways of L.A.,
We've got to keep this fire burning and accept a little gray,
So this long line of cars is trying to break free,
And this long line of cars, it's all because of me…"

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXIV

The personal courage & curious politics of Major General Smedley Butler (1881-1940), United States Marine Corps, twice winner of the Medal of Honor.







Liberty & Union
Which is the better word to describe the despicable, anti-American remarks of Governor Cuomo of New York, "Fascist" or "totalitarian"?

The Rebel Black D.O.T. Song of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Truck Drivin' Song" from Running with Scissors (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "Truck Drivin' Song" is more about cross-dressing than about truck drivin', but it's also the only song with which I am aware that includes the lyrics, "the mother-lovin' clutch," making it an automotive gem.

"But when I hit those big speed bumps
My darling little rhinestone pumps
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch…"

Liberty & Union: Obamboozled

Three years from now to the day, 20 January 2017, should the Creator wish His world to keep spinning, Barack Hussein Obama will cease to be President of the United States upon the inauguration of his successor, the forty-fifth president. Mr. Obama campaigned on the slogans "Hope" & "Change," providing precious few details of his program & serving as a cipher onto whom a divided & war-weary electorate could superimpose their own agendas. More than halfway through his presidency, there is less hope, more workers having become "discouraged" & dropped out of the labor force entirely; fewer Americans have health insurance than before the implementation of "Obamacare," the president's central policy achievement; & the United States appears to be a feckless & sullen superpower, directionless & indecisive, neither respected by allies nor feared by enemies. The majority of the change has been for the worse, with the federal bureaucracy being used to harass & punish the president's political opponents, a decrease in the labor force participation rate, a national debt over fifty per cent higher than that which Candidate Obama labelled "unpatriotic," & America's primacy on the world stage having been symbolically ceded to Russia. The fruits of Mr. Obama's false hope & changes for the worst are seen in the public opinion polls; on average, the president's job approval rating stands at forty-two per cent, while his disapproval rating stands at fifty-three per cent. The corrupt tyranny of Barack Obama will end—though the baleful consequences will linger for years & decades—three years from to-day.

"Liberty & union, now & forever, one & inseparable."

The Rebel Black D.O.T. Song of the Day
Fountains of Wayne, "Survival Car" from Fountains of Wayne (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"Funny how the ground can find my wheels,
I'm going where the road won't dare…"

The Rebel Black D.O.T. Song of the Day
The Aquabats!, "Yo, Check Out This Ride!" from the Yo, Check Out This Ride! E.P. (Captain Thumbs Up!)

Commentary: Ska Army & I toured the North American International Auto Show in Detroit's Cobo Center yesterday. ("Cobo Center" looks & sounds odd, as I'm accustomed to the facilities old name, Cobo Hall.) This was our third annual tour, meaning the tradition is now well-established. A "Project MERCATOR" report is due soonest. I considered They Might Be Giants's "Birdhouse in Your Soul" & the Reel Big Fish's "The Set Up (You Need This)," both of which we blasted from various motorcars' sound systems as Ska Army paired up his smartphone with those cars' Bluetooth systems, but "Yo, Check Out This Ride!" better encapsulated the day, especially the Jersey Shore wannabes we encountered toward the end of the day, when the line to sit in the cockpit of the Corvette Stingray had shrunk to an acceptably diminutive length. Sweet merciful crap, I want a Stingray!

"I bought a '91 Celica and lowered the back.
I dropped some deuce with some juice on the front of my gat,
And I ain't braggin', my back is draggin',
I got this fresh whale tail on my lowered, covered wagon.
You peeps is gettin' panic attacks
When I roll through Iraq,
With a sack of fat stacks
And an airbrush of Shaq
On my Cizzadillac,
And you know it's hard!
I've got a haunted house black light under my car,
And it's freaking people out, dog!

"This car—I'm drivin'!
This vehicle that I ride in,
So hot, (so hot), so stylin',
Makin' all the ladies we pass start cryin',
'Yo, yo do you want to take a ride?
Let's go, baby!'
No, she doesn't want to get inside,
You better check out this ride!
Yo, check out this ride!…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Staggers, "Snoopy vs. the Red Baron" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Defaced in a stylized manner as if stained, yet unmistakable, the Reichskriegflagge. Am I a supporter of German militarism? Nay, I am a fan of good graphic design, mindful of origin & association, but not constrained by excessive sensitivity & manufactured outrage.

"After the turn of the century,
In the clear blues skies over Germany,
Came a roar and a thunder they had never heard,
Like the screaming sound of a big warbird.

"Up in the sky, a man and his plane,
Baron von Richthofen was his name,
And eighty men tried, and eighty men died,
Now they're buried all together on the countryside.

Ten! Twenty! Thirty! Forty! Fifty or more!
The bloody Red Baron was rolling up the score,
Eighty men died trying to end that spree
Of the bloody Red Baron of Germany…"


Reichskriegflagge!

Project GLOWWORM

Yesterday, I encountered a fellow who had been growing his beard for nearly three & a half years. He said that he had thrown away his razor the day he got out of the Army. That is approximately the same amount of time that I've had my whiskers, after being cleanshaven for Objective FINNLAND & Objective ZED ALPHA in the summer of '10. My beard has not been allowed to flourish with the wild abandon of this fellow's, but we both agreed with this sentiment: I'm never going back. We live in an age in which whiskers are again fashionable & I know only too well that many of the whiskers I see about will disappear as soon as the fad fades, but I know also that these years of bearded plenty are opening the eyes of many a man to the virtues of bewhiskered living.

The encounter stoked my enthusiasm for the next iteration of the Banzai Beard Bonanza, the Year of the Beard. (Once I decided to stay bewhiskered, the B.B.B. III: Third Time's the Harm & the B.B.B. IV: Four for Forty became unnecessary & were cancelled.) The plan: shave the beard on 1 January of a given year & do not shave again until 1 January of the following year. The exact protocols have not been devised, regarding issues such as the shaving of my cheeks, which is part of my current beard regime, & whether to shave the moustache at the same time or leave it intact throughout. The Year of the Beard would produce a year beard, or "yeard." More fun than near beer, it's the year beard! But that awaits sometime in the undiscovered future.

The fellow, a restaurant worker, intimated that his boss had suggested he tame his beard, but stated his refusal, claiming that he'd loss his job before taming his beard. Recklessness? Undoubtedly, yet I can still respect that kind of commitment to vague, unarticulated principle. What is life without a little recklessness?

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Vampire Weekend, "Unbelievers" from Modern Vampires of the City (T.L.A.M.)

Note to self: "Bewhiskered living" is a delightful turn of phrase. Make frequent use of it.

Project MERCATOR

Two days hence, on my drive home, I diverted over to the Courtland Mall to see the "Lone Wolverine," the only wolverine seen in the wild in the Wolverine State in two centuries: (Wayback Machine). She died of natural causes in '10, has been stuffed & mounted, & is now touring the state as the centerpiece of an educational exhibition. From whence did she come? Wolverines are Arctic beasts & have not been native to the land now known as Michigan for centuries; it is quite possible that wolverines were never endemic to these pleasant peninsulas, but wandered in from time to time as they are wide-ranging creatures. The lone wolverine's origins remain a mystery.

Later that same day, at the public library, I encountered an acquaintance, who was gathering signatures to initiate a referendum on Michigan's new wolf hunt; the petition & referendum's aim is to lower the boom on the hunt & allow the numbers of reintroduced wolves in Michigan to swell. I declined to sign her petition because, as I explained, I'm quite in favor of the wolf hunt. (I'm not advocating for the wolf to be driven to extinction, but having extirpated the wolf from many regions it is madness to now reintroduce these apex predators into areas populated by humans & livestock. It is only a matter of time, a simple but inescapable trap of numbers & probabilities, before a child is slaughtered by a pack of reintroduced wolves. Madness! But I digress.) I asked my acquaintance if she'd been over to see the lone wolverine. She replied that she had not, that she thought it was cruel to keep a live wolverine caged at a mall. I admit that I stared incredulously for a second before responding. There is no living wolverine at the mall, I assured her; the beast was found dead years earlier, without external injuries & thus presumably of natural causes, & has since been stuffed & mounted. She blinked in dull recognition. Oh, well, a friend had told her that there was a live wolverine in captivity at the mall. Armed as she was with falsehood about the lone wolverine, one has to wonder what errors, falsehoods, & outright lies she believes about the wolf hunt that motivated her to stand out in the cold collecting signatures.

Gulo gulo!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Wanz, "Thrift Shop" courtesy The Watergirl (T.L.A.M.)

The Queue

I've had a devil of a time committing to any reading of late. Leviathan was shelved some time ago due to the density of the text & the weightiness of the ideas therein; at the time, other pressing issues demanded unfettered access to my critical reasoning skills. The Evils of Revolution was abandoned for similar those more trifling reasons, & I just found myself unable to summon the will to continue with Theology for Beginners—thus, the new "Lately Neglected" category. Given all this, please take "Presently" with a grain of salt. I intend one course, but walking that path is proving difficult. I do not know what is wrong with me, why I am so unable to focus.

I was able to plow through the backlog of Road & Track & National Review magazines, & I'm catching up on Car and Driver; so, at least I'm keeping up with my light reading.

Recently
Washington Irving, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" & "Rip Van Winkle"
Ross Douthat, Bad Religion: How We Became a Nation of Heretics
Matthew Kelly, The Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic: How Engaging 1% of Catholics Could Change the World

Currently
Mark Mazzetti, The Way of the Knife: The C.I.A., a Secret Army, and a War at the Ends of the Earth

Presently
Edgar Rice Burroughs, Swords of Mars
Edgar Rice Burroughs, Synthetic Men of Mars
Sir Ernest Shackleton, South: A Memoir of the Endurance Voyage
Edgar Rice Burroughs, Llana of Gathol
Edgar Rice Burroughs, John Carter of Mars
Richard Price, Clockers
Sir Richard Francis Burton, translator, "Sinbad the Sailor" from The Arabian Nights

Lately Neglected
Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan, or The Matter, Forme, & Power of a Common-wealth Ecclesiasticall and Civill
Edmund Burke, The Evils of Revolution
F. J. Sheed, Theology for Beginners

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Elvis Costello & the Attractions, "Accidents Will Happen" from Armed Forces (T.L.A.M.)

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
David Gray, "Kathleen" courtesy The Watergirl (T.L.A.M.)

The Victors | Project OSPREY

Saturday, 14 December 2013
(№ 1) Arizona 72-70 Michigan
6-4, Big Ten 0-0

The good news is that we lost to Arizona by a much smaller margin than that by which we lost to Duke (№ 10 at the time). The bad news is that we still lost. The valiant Wolverines had a genuine shot to best the epithetless Wildcats, holding the lead for most of the game, but Arizona was clutch in its free-throw shooting down the stretch. Curses!

Saturday, 21 December 2013
Michigan 68-65 Stanford
7-4, Big Ten 0-0

For the second consecutive Saturday, the valiant Wolverines faced off against an opponent from the Pac-12, the ancient enemy of the Big Ten, though this time not within the friendly confines of the Crisler Center but at a neutral site in Brooklyn, New York. The epithetless Cardinal were a stout test for the valiant Wolverines—strong in areas the Maize & Blue are not, experienced, & wily. Happily, Nik Stauskas (sophomore, guard) had a brilliant shooting day, followed closely in points by a surging Glenn Robinson III (sophomore, forward).

Saturday, 28 December 2013
Michigan 88-66 Holy Cross
8-4, Big Ten 0-0

A Christmas present to ourselves, an easy win against lesser opposition before the New Year & the brutal grind of conference play.

Thursday, 2 January 2014
Michigan 63-60 Minnesota
9-4, Big Ten 1-0

"The Barn" (Williams Arena) is one of my favorite Big Ten venues, & a tough place for the valiant Wolverines to begin their campaign for the conference title. The luckless Golden Gophers, now helmed by young Rich Pitino instead of venerable old Tubby Smith, played with tremendous energy, but could not account for Zak Irvin's (freshman, guard) fifteen points, all from behind the three-point arc. This author does not look forward to the Big Ten schedule minus the boundless enthusiasm of Mitch McGary (sophomore, forward/center), out indefinitely for back surgery, but in his stead stand the two most experienced players on Michigan's roster, fifth-year senior Jordan Morgan (forward/center) & red shirt junior Jon Horford (forward/center). (Michigan coach John Beilein's scheme doesn't call for a true center, though the exigencies of basketball compel the larger forwards to play the five spot.)

Sunday, 5 January 2014
Michigan 74-51 Northwestern
10-4, Big Ten 2-0

There are no easy wins in the Big Ten, though hosting the plucky Wildcats comes the closest to being so; they are scrappy & persistent, but offensively challenged. I nearly had a heart attack when Robinson hurt his ankle against Minnesota & was as pleased as punch to see him moving around without injury against Northwestern. Michigan's top three scorers from last season's tournament run were Trey Burke (sophomore, guard), Tim Hardaway Jr. (junior, guard), & McGary; the first two were lost to the N.B.A draft & McGary to injury; if we'd also last Robinson, we'd have been in a heap of trouble.

Thursday, 9 January 2014
Michigan 71-70 Nebraska
11-4, Big Ten 3-0

This was one of the least satisfying basketball games I'd ever watched. Neither club played defense worth a tinker's damn, but the score was not astronomical. The unwelcome Cornhuskers were outmatched by the valiant Wolverines, but scraped & hustled & refused to go away. When Nebraska's last second shots refused to fall, I felt little of the elation of victory; instead, I longed to be in Nebraska's shiny new, sponsor-named arena, because turning my back on that building after such a win seemed the only action from which any satisfaction could be derived. I do not look forward to the unwelcome Cornhuskers' visit to the Crisler center in February; they're an annoying club & play annoying basketball.

So, what have I learned about the valiant Wolverines over the last month? I am concerned about Stauskas's (for him) poor shooting, but tickled pink by how much more well-rounded his game has become: the Canuck sniper is a feed-pass machine, generously distributing the ball to his teammates. Morgan & Horford are doing yeomen's work standing in for McGary, hardly surprising given that Morgan started most of last year, when McGary was a raw true freshman; it's long been said that Horford would be a mighty impressive player if only he could stay healthy & shake the injury bug, & so far this year he's living up to that billing. Irvin is an impressive long range shooter, but still inconsistent. I've been pleased with the continuing development of Derrick Walton Jr. (freshman, guard), who has the unenviable task of replacing the sensational Burke; Walton looks ever more confident in his role within the offense, & is committing fewer maddening turnovers. I am allowing myself the dangerous hope that Glenn Robinson III is finally beginning to fulfill his prodigious potential; if this is so, woe to those who stand against the Maize & Blue. Overall, the valiant Wolverines have yet to face the cream of the conference crop, but they remain undefeated in league play, no small feat given that two of those three games were on the road.

Next: Penn State at home, before a murderers' row—at (№ 3) Wisconsin, (№ 14) Iowa at home, & at (№ 4) Michigan State. No one ever said winning the Big Ten would be easy, nor would it then be worth winning.

Go Blue!

Project MERCATOR
I should have gone out on Saturday night, but I didn't, for no good reason in complete contravention of the strictures of MERCATOR. Confound it, Mike, you put those rules in place to help yourself, to fight your worst tendencies. I must devise an enforcement mechanism, beyond self-reproach.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Sufjan Stevens, "Flint (For the Unemployed and Underpaid)" from Michigan (T.L.A.M.)

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXIII

The Dakar, Part II: 2008, the year terrorist threats cancelled the event & cast into doubt its ongoing viability, & the South American resurrection of the Dakar Rally, 2009-present.







This Week in Motorsport
The 2014 Dakar Rally has been underway for a week & runs through the end of this week. Already, over fifty per cent of the competitors in the "car," "bike," & quad categories have been forced out of a rally; attrition has been less severe in the truck category, with "only" around thirty per cent of the competitors falling by the wayside. This is my second Dakar, thanks to the N.B.C. Sports Network's (N.B.C.S.N., formerly Versus) coverage, which consists of a nightly half-hour wrap-up of the previous day's happenings. As Saturday was the sorely needed rest day, tonight's show consisted of a look back at the week that was, the rally up to that point. The dunes & the Andes await in the week to come.

To this point in the 2014 Dakar, one competitor has died, the cause of which is still under investigation, which leads me to believe he did not die in a crash, but possibly of natural causes. Two journos perished in a traffic collision. May the Lord have mercy on the souls of His departed children, & be a comfort to the families in their grief.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Jason Segel, "Dracula's Lament" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: From the play-within-the-film A Taste for Love, from the motion picture Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Le Pigbat, "Monsieur Hyde" from The Aquabats! and Horchata Records Present Rice Capades Music Sampler, Vol. 1 (Captain Thumbs Up!)

Commentary: On Friday, Turner Classic Movies aired the 1941 motion picture Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I was interested in watching it, being a great fan of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, 'til a closer reading of the T.C.M. blurb revealed the film's star: Spencer Tracy. I loathe the late Spencer Tracy. Needing another means to sate the Jekyll & Hyde jones, I availed myself of the Pigbat's little ditty. Job well done, Pigbat!

A jones-sating image search found the following after-the-fact promotional image for the earlier, silent film, also titled Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

The Rebel Black Dot Songs of the Day
Elvis Costello & the Attractions, "Oliver's Army" from Armed Forces (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "And I would rather be anywhere else than here today."

Donnerstag, 9 Jänner
Boris Karloff, Mario Rossi, & the Wiener Opernorchester, Peter and the Wolf, Op. 67: VI. "The Wolf" from Prokofiev: Peter and the Wolf, Lieutenant Kijé Symphonic Suite (T.L.A.M)

Commentary: I do not pretend to remember half of what I once knew of German, & never was I expert at parsing the differences 'twixt German German & Austrian German, but since even I know that Wiener Opernorchester means, at least roughly, "Vienna Opera Orchestra," I've opted to use, perhaps inappropriately, the Austrian Jänner instead of the northern German Januar. Fear the umlaut!

Which of course reminds me of my favorite joke: For a German, what comes between fear & sex? Fünf! (Fünf is the German word for "five." The German words for "four" & "six," vier & sechs, are pronounced quite similarly to the English words "fear" & "sex." Aren't jokes funnier once they've been laboriously explained? I suppose the joke only works if you mispronounce fünf to be more like the English word "fun"…)

"The Wolf" is all-purpose ominous, apropos for whenever an audience needs to be alerted that something dark & dangerous is about.

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXII

The Dakar, Part I: Thierry Sabine (1949-1986) & the Paris-Dakar Rally, 1978-2007.







Operation AXIOM
One hundred five years ago to the day, 9 January 1909, the Nimrod Expedition (1907-1909), the first of three Antarctic expeditions lead by Sir Ernest Shackleton, failed in its bid to discover the South Pole but set a new world record for Farthest South: 88˚23' S. This record was not surpassed 'til Amundson's & Scott's expeditions achieved the South Pole in 1911 & 1912, respectively. A party from the Nimrod, lead by Shackleton, reached a new Farthest South, one hundred five years ago to-day.

I urge all readers of "The Explorers' Club," indeed all fans of human endeavor, to watch the documentary series Chasing Shackleton, airing this week & each of the next two weeks on P.B.S. This year marks the centennial of the commencement of Shackleton's Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition (1914-1917), the epic Endurance Expedition. In Chasing Shackleton, six contemporary adventurers are attempting the recreate Shackleton & co.'s desperate voyage from Elephant Island to South Georgia Island in the James Caird, a small boat that was never intended for the open seas of the Southern Ocean, & the trek across the uncharted interior of South Georgia to reach help at the island's whaling stations; they are doing so in a latter-day replica of the James Caird, the Alexandra Shackleton. Check your local listings.

Bier! | High Spirits

Casualties of the Great Blizzard of 2014 (victims of the bitter cold, not the abundant snow):

1 Carlsberg
1 O'Doul's (not mine)
2 Schweppes tonic water
2 Schweppes ginger ale

None of the Yuengling Lagers (mine) in the garage burst, nor did any of the Sam Adams Boston Lagers (my parents'); mayhap beer from commonwealths (Penn. & Mass.) is better able to endure the subzero cold? Nevertheless, they too have been belated moved inside the house. Temperatures should return to normal in the next day of two, again making the garage a cavernous supplemental refrigerator. 'Twas foolishness on my part to leave the mixers, the tonic water & ginger ale, outside, as they have no alcoholic content to aid them in resisting freezing. I hope this cold snap's lessons are not forgotten.

Kith & Kin
When The L.A.W. & Brother-in-L.A.W.—& their two delightful bairns, the Squeak & the Monkey—were here for Christmas, Brother-in-L.A.W. drank all my gin. I do not begrudge him this, I'm just reporting the facts. In the course of a six-day visit, he drank the entire fifth of Bombay Sapphire my mom had acquired for his gin & Frescas & the third of a fifth I'd had around for mine own gin & tonics. Also, he finished off the fifth of a fifth of Smirnoff that had been sitting around for ages, since some long-past Psych watching party with the old Econ. Club gang.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Less Than Jake, "Goodbye in Gasoline" from B Is for B-Sides (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"My lungs are aching from the cold from being outside,
And the windows of my car have started to fog up
And it's colder than I remember it ever being in Florida…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Reel Big Fish, "She's Not the End of the World" from Candy Coated Fury (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: The Reel Big Fish aren't what they once were—& the departure of Scott Klopfenstein, longtime second fiddle &, one suspects, restraint on front man Aaron Barrett's more questionable tendencies—might well have signaled the beginning of the end, but there are still some good songs on Candy Coated Fury (which, it must be noted, should be titled Candy-Coated Fury), including such classic R.B.F.-style titles as "I Know You Too Well to Like You Anymore," "Your Girlfriends Sucks," & "P.S. I Hate You."

Project GLOWWORM

The worst part of shoveling show with whiskers? The icicles formed in those whiskers from my perspiration. I know the key to safe cold-temperature exertion is not to perspire, but no one has ever shown me the trick for how I'm supposed to shovel over twelve vertical inches of snow from Wilson Field, a driveway four car-widths wide, without perspiring.

My parents have gotten too old for shoveling snow. I must gift them a snowblower when I move out of the house.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Less Than Jake, "National Anthem" from B Is for B-Sides (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I love Christmas music, both sacred & secular—otherwise, I would not devote nearly a month of Songs of the Day to such music, but it is also a great source of excitement when the R.B.D.S.O.T.D. returns to its usual free-for-all format.

"My American dream is to have it
A little bit better than my parents ever had it,
My American dream is to have it
A little bit better than my parents ever had it,
My American dream is to have it
A little bit better than its just a force of habit,
My American dream is to have it
A little bit better than my parents ever had it."

Operation AXIOM

It was with a heavy heart that I assisted yesterday in taking down & putting away our Christmas decorations, but it was time, or very nearly so. Recent tradition holds that 'tis bad luck to leave the halls decked after Twelfth Night, with falls to-night. Without embarking upon a discussion of whether a belief in luck constitutes superstition, belief in superstition being unquestionably a sin, let's just agree that it would be bad form to leave one's halls decked after Twelfth Night. I objected yesterday, stating that the boughs of holly, etc., should be put away to-day, but I was overruled. In any event, 'tis time. After I publish this post, I should remove the "Keep Christ in Christmas" pin from the lapel of my great coat, having neglected to do so upon my return from church.

For the last time 'til next December, merry Christmas to all!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Twelfth Day of Christmas/the Epiphany
Toby Keith, "We Three Kings" via iTunes, (free) Holiday Sampler (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I love "We Three Kings of Orient Are" to a ridiculous extent. It is one of my favorite carols. Thanks, John Henry Hopkins Junior!

"We three kings of Orient are,
Bearing gifts we traverse afar,
Field and fountain, moor and mountain,
Following yonder star…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Eleventh Day of Christmas
Sarah Brightman, "Silent Night" via iTunes, (free) Single of the Week (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: At Midnight Mass this Christmas, I enjoyed singing "Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht," which is as far as I can get in the original German without boning up beforehand or having the lyrics before me.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Tenth Day of Christmas
Séan McCann, "Merry Christmas, Everyone" free courtesy Séan McCann (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"A child is born, forever,
A child is born for everyone,
Lift up your hearts
And hear His laughter,
A New Year has begun…"

Also, please note that Séan McCann's Christian name is pronounced "Shane," owing to the accent over the e, denoting the Ulster pronunciation. The name pronounced "Shawn," often misspelt as Sean or even—gasp!—Shawn, is properly spelt Seán. Séan not Seán, so "Shane" not "Shawn."

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Ninth Day of Christmas
Bing Crosby, "What Child Is This?/The Holly and the Ivy" from Christmas with Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, [&] Dean Martin (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing,
Haste, haste, to bring him laud,
The babe, the son of Mary…"

Urbi et Orbi

Last year's total Mass attendances topped off at an unprecedented sixty-three. That is eleven more Masses than the annual goal of fifty-two, the first time that goal had been met or exceeded. Even were I to make the extraordinary concession of not counting the six "extra" Masses I of the two weekends during which I attended every Mass to promote membership in the K. of C., a new record would still be set: fifty-seven. There is a temptation not to set a new goal, merely to see if I can attend Mass fifty-two times during two consecutive years, but that will not do. This year has two goals: to attend Mass at least fifty-two times & not to miss a single Sunday during which I'm not traveling. This will require a renewed, sustained commitment to be obedient to His Will in all things.

This year is off to a fine start—today is the Solemnity of Mary, the Mother of God, a holy day of obligation, & I have already returned from Mass. Merry Christmas & a happy New Year!

2008: 32
2009: 33
2010: 32
2011: 37
2012: 45
2013: 63
2014: 1…

2014 also marks the end of five consecutive years of having Star Wars: The Clone Wars wall calendars, another success in Disney's campaign to kill my lifelong love for Star Wars. All my life, I always thought George Lucas was Luke Skywalker. Only too late did we realize that all along he as Anakin Skywalker, who has finally succumb to the Dark Side & revealed himself as Darth Vader, traitor to everything he ever stood for & fought to protect. (Walt Disney Company C.E.O. Bob Iger is Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine in this scenario.)

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Eighth Day of Christmas/New Year's Day
Michael Bublé, "Ave Maria" from Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Seventh Day of Christmas/New Year's Eve
Guy Lombardo & His Royal Canadians, "Auld Lang Syne" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "Auld Lang Syne" is the one concession to secular music we make in the choice of the R.B.D.C.S.O.T.D. during the Twelve Days of Christmas.

"Should old acquaintance be forget
And never called to mind,
Should old acquaintance be forget,
And days of auld lang syne,
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne."

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Sixth Day of Christmas
Duvall, "Jesus Christ" from O Holy Night (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Unlike the other Christmastide classics on O Holy Night, "Jesus Christ" is an original composition.

"Jesus Christ was born today,
Jesus Christ was born…"

The Victors

Kansas State 31-14 Michigan
7-6, Big Ten 3-5

The worst part of last night's/this morning's embarrassing defeat at the hands of the epithetless Wildcats was how utterly unsurprising the whole debacle was. We looked exactly like you'd expect a Brady Hoke-coached club to look: the offense was impotent, the defense was at sea, & the coaches had evidently not spend a single minute watching game film of K-State football. The most typical play of our defense all year is the missed assignment, the sight after on opponent's touchdown of two defensive backs pointing at each other, unaware of which of them (if not both) had completely missed his assignment. On the offensive side, we had no running game against a sad sack run defense, leaving the entire game in the hands of a true freshman quarterback making his first collegiate start. Anyone foolish enough to have gleaned signs of a bright future from our loss to Ohio State (42-41 is still a loss, folks, & "moral victories" are children's fantasies) was slapped in the face with the cold, hard reality of Michigan football under Brady Hoke. We are a bad football club, & we're getting worse. The offense simply does not work, & no dreams of "the right recruits" is going to change that. For all defensive coordinator Greg Mattison's success in the N.F.L., the defense blow more assignments than they make & appear generally hapless & lethargic. We finish the year 7-6, but even that is misleading, as by rights we should have lost to both Akron & Connecticut; those hypothetical losses would have made us bowl ineligible & we should have finished this year's campaign at 5-7. I will repeat myself, for emphasis's sake: we are a bad football club, & under Brady Hoke we are becoming even worse.

Brady Hoke must be fired. Those who counsel "patience" are deluding themselves. There is not a raft of superstar recruits set to arrive who will save us from the basic facts that Brady Hoke & his staff are outcoached at halftime by every opposing staff they face. The best players in the world cannot succeed if they are not properly coached, & the lazy, stupid players who currently disgrace the name of bear the torch for the valiant Wolverines are not properly coached. We will never uphold the legacy of Michigan football so long as we are coached by Brady Hoke & his bumbling staff. Brady Hoke must be fired.

Next: 2014, another season of rank ineptitude on the field & the sidelines, & endless sadness & frustration amongst the Maize & Blue faithful. I should dearly love to be proven wrong, to be made an object of ridicule for panicking on the cusp of a new golden age, to be made to eat the words "Brady Hoke must be fired." Alas, in a hideous inversion of Coach Schembechler's sacred promise, we will never again by champions as long as Coach Hoke remains. Brady Hoke must be fired.

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Fifth Day of Christmas
Bing Corsby, "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!/It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" from Christmas with Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, [&] Dean Martin (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "Hark! The herald angels sing, 'Glory to the newborn King!'"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Fourth Day of Christmas
Sufjan Stevens, "Away in a Manger" from Songs for Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: The Author of Creation not only humbled Himself to be born a man, but to be born the lowliest of men, with only a manger, a trough out of which animals dine, for a crib. That is but one example of how much the Almighty loves you & me, wretched sinners though we be. How we cannot be knocked out of our chairs in astonishment?

"Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
The little Lord Jesus laid down His sweet head,
The stars in the sky looked down where He lay,
The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Third Day of Christmas
Mu330, "I Heard the Bells On Christmas" from Winter Wonderland (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"And in despair I bowed my head,
'There is no peace on Earth!,' I said,
The hate is strong and mocks with song
Of peace on Earth, goodwill to men.
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep,
God is not dead not doth He sleep,
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail!
With peace on Earth, goodwill to men…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Second Day of Christmas/Saint Stephen's Day
Relativity, "Good King Wenceslas" from Joy to the World! (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: This is one of two bands I know called Relativity. A member of this Relativity is aware of the other Relativity, a Celtic/"world music" band of the Nineteen-Nineties, which makes the choice of Relativity as his band's name that much more curious, to my way of thinking. Of course, all the members of this Relativity are relatives of one another, surely providing some if not most of the impetus behind the name selection.

"Good King Wencelas looked out
On the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay roundabout
Deep and crisp and even…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of Christmas Day
The Klezmonauts, "Joy to the World" from Oy to the World: A Klezmer Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: This version of "Joy to the World" is instrumental, but there are no more perfect words than "Joy to the World's" lyrics for greeting the Holy Infant on the occasion of this annual celebration of His Incarnation.

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let Earth receive her king!…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of Christmas Eve
The Puppini Sisters, "O Holy Night" from Christmas with the Puppini Sisters (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Voices so angelic they've almost ruined "O Holy Night" for all other singers. This was also the R.B.D.S.O.C.E. one year hence, in 2012.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
Brian d'Arcy James, "Michigan Christmas" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"I want a Michigan Christmas,
With Michigan snow on the Saginaw trees,
And I want to be home with my family,
A Michigan Christmas is all I'm asking for, please.

"I want the Thumb of the Mitten,
The Mackinac Bridge, a Lake Michigan breeze,
And I want to be home with my family,
A Michigan Christmas is all I'm asking for, please…

"But I know a place that is a special,
Where memories linger as sweet as your dreams,
And I want a Michigan Christmas,
A Michigan Christmas is all I'm asking for…"

Project MERCATOR

The sound of the explosives that triggered the implosion was unlike anything else I've heard. That was a highly satisfactory morning, replete with brunch with friends, though not those with whom I'd intended to dine—a delightful tale for another time.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Fourth Sunday of Advent
Duvall, "O Come All Ye Faithful" from O Holy Night (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord!…"

Project MERCATOR

I am newly returned from the Saturday afternoon Mass, recently rescheduled from 5:00 P.M. to 4:00, so that the largely elderly attendees drive less in the dark. This is the weekend Mass I attend least frequently. I did so to-day because I will be unable to attend either of Sunday morning's Masses (9:00 & 11:00); if all goes well, to-morrow morning I will be downtown with the Guy, the Gal, & Ska Army, watching the implosion of the Genesee Tower(s), a skyscraper that has long sat empty as a sad symbol of urban blight. The Tower(s) is the tallest or second-tallest building in Flint, & is visible on my daily commute up I-475. The demolition of the Genesee Tower(s) will leave the Art Deco magnificence of the Mott Foundation Building with much better sight lines from the east & the north. Plus, I've never seen an implosion before, not with mine own eyes. At worst, the experience should be novel; at best, it might well be a memory that lasts a lifetime.

Actually, at worst I could be smote by flying debris from an implosion gone awry. But even then I'd get a jump start on the very, very long time I'll spend in Purgatory, in the ranks of the Church Penitent, purifying my soul before joining the Church Triumphant in the glory of Heaven.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
Nat King Cole, "The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You)" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

"Everybody knows, a turkey and some mistletoe,
Help to make the season bright,
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

"They know that Santa's on his way,
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh,
And every mother's child is gonna spy,
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.

"And so I'm offering this simple phrase
For kids from one to ninety-two,
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas to you!"

Project GLOWWORM

Acting impulsively, I trimmed my whiskers late Wednesday night. I had been intentionally growing out my whiskers, but the sense was mounting that I'd let things go a bit too far, get a bit too wild. Wednesday, that sense crystalized into impulsive action. I trimmed my whiskers a little too short, which is interesting, because they remain at about the same length at which I'd start to think about trimming them during this last summer's too-short phase. Fear not, gentle reader, by this time next week, everything will be right as rain. My preference has changed, I hope for good—in both senses, permanence & quality.

Having whiskers is an everyday adventure, not an epic worthy of song, but still an adventure that happens every day.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
Robert Goulet, "Jingle Bells" from Songs in the Key of Springfield (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "Jingle Bells," the track, is forty-six seconds long, of which Robert Goulet singing the schoolyard lyrics of "Jingle Bells" takes about ten seconds. The rest of the time is a bittersweet reminder of the grandeur of The Simpsons in its heyday.

Robert Goulet: "Hi, you from the casino?"
Bart Simpson: "I'm from a casino."
Robert Goulet; "Good enough. Let's go."

Mr. Smithers: "I'm afraid Robert Goulet hasn't arrived yet, sir."
Mr. Burns: "Very well. Begin the thawing of Jim Nabors!"

Bart Simpson: *grunts of physical exertion*
Robert Goulet: "Are sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager."
Nelson Muntz: "Your manager says for you to shut up!"
Robert Goulet: "Vera said that? Hmm.

"Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg,
Batmobile lost its wheel,
And the Joker got away. Hey!

"Thank you, thank you very much."
(Sound of a microphone spinning rapidly at the end of its cord, & striking Milhouse.)
Milhouse Van Houten: "Ow!"
Robert Goulet: "Oh, I'm sorry, kid."

Autobahn

If this post was a nineteenth century novel, which as often as not had not one but two titles, it would be The Squealing Belt; or, Everybody's An Expert. A few weeks ago, I had the Lumi's timing belt replaced, after signs of wear were detected during a motor oil change. Shortly thereafter, a high-pitched squeal was heard to emanate from the Lumi's engine bay, but only upon occasion. I waited & I listened, trying to discern a pattern to the squealing, but none ever emerged. The squealing was most often to be heard early in the morning, or anytime that the Lumi had sat dormant for a time, but more often than not she started up & sped off without the noise. It was most often to be heard during stops, such as at traffic signals or stop signs, but this too was erratic & unpredictable. One passenger, a C.R.H.P. brother in whose wedding I will serve as an groomsman, opined that my alternator was on the fritz; I mentioned my theory that the problem lay in the timing belt, but he dismissed this authoritatively & reasserted his alternator hypothesis. Another passenger, a brother Knight, suggested that the water pump was on the verge of failure. Despite spending interminable hours in my youth hunched over the engine bays of various Chevrolets as my father's apprentice, & despite being an avid latter-day reader of both Car and Driver & Road & Track magazines, there is yet much about motorcars that I find mysterious, even perplexing. So, while I was dubious of my well-meaning passengers' aural diagnostic skills, when at long last I piloted the Lumi to my default mechanics' shop, I put forward all three hypotheses: the alternator, the water pump, & the timing belt. I posited that it was too great a coincidence, the timing of the squeal's emergence, not to be connected to the replacement of the timing belt. The alternator checked out A-O.K. The water pump checked out A-O.K. The timing belt tensioner was found to be cracked; it remained functional, but complete failure was only a matter of time. If the belt was not always properly tensioned, that could well lead to the squeal that I had heard but which the greasemonkeys (a term I use affectionately) had been unable to induce. (Periodic malfunctions are the most difficult to diagnose.) Some years back, my supervisor at Delphi described me, on a performance evaluation, as possessing, good "mechanical attitude;" I've always presumed me meant "mechanical aptitude," an evaluation with which I disagree. I might accent to possessing an aptitude for logical reasoning (induction, not deduction as is commonly misunderstood). Why is it that my brothers were so outwardly confident in their hypotheses? Is it that they are men? Michigander men in particular, descended from generations of blue-collar auto workers? They meant well, of this I have no doubt, but they were still incontrovertibly in error.

A positive consequence of this episode is that I am resolved to change the Distaff Son of the Mousemobile's motor oil myself, as I used to do for the Mousemobile. I will likely burn myself at least once, & I shall have to sort out the proper means for disposing of the used oil, but having previously performed this maintenance procedure I know it to be within my abilities. I am capable of changing my motorcar's oil & have frequently inherently sketchy oil change shops only out of laziness; this must cease. The war against sloth is not won all at once, but day by day, choice by choice. I choose to change my automobile's motor oil myself.

Yesterday, I installed new wiper blades on the Lumi. My least favorite part about winter is not the snow, but the minute spray that comes off formerly snowy roads & reduces visibility through the windshield to virtually zero, especially when the Accursed Sun hits it at just the right angle. I must begin keeping a log of repairs & maintenance; I should replace the wiper blades at least every year.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
Susan Egan, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" from Winter Tracks (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I've adored Susan Egan's voice since hearing her both speak & sing the rôle of Megara in Disney's animated Hercules, a motion picture of which I'm fond despite its mutilation of Greek myth & my usual antipathy to Heracles.



But I digress.

"So be good for goodness sake!"

Objective ZED OMEGA

Registration is now open for the Jeopardy! online test, the first step to becoming a contestant: Adult Online Test-link. Or, as Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi said, "your first step into a larger world." My mother has already completed her registration, so what are you waiting for? Alex Trebek might be my archenemy, but I am still a tremendous fan of Jeopardy! & will do everything in my power (& within the bounds of propriety) to aid anyone reading these lines in their own quest to be a Jeopardy! contestant.

Straight & Narrow
I am a fount of trivial knowledge, & while there are definite limits to my expertise, I knew enough about a wide enough variety of topics to earn my way onto the show & on another day, with another random collection of categories, I would have been a Jeopardy! champion. I off my services as coach/mentor. This could range from tutoring on a wide variety of subjects to sharing the strategic insights gleaned from my appearance on the show. Learn what I did right & what not to do from what I did wrong. Help me vicariously to relive the Jeopardy! experience through you.

What are you waiting for?

Skulduggery
As a previous contestant, I am eligible to take the online test only "for fun." You know what would be really fun? Destroying that snake-in-the-grass Alex Trebek. Join me in my mission of righteous retribution, help me to repay Trebek for the haughty disdain he has shown to many a past contestant. I do not seek revenge, only justice. Interested? Together we can plot the means by which Trebek's public shaming & downfall will be effected. An inside man could be invaluable. I promise not to destroy Trebek 'til after your episodes have aired.

What have you got to lose?

Operation ÖSTERREICH | Project GLOWWORM
My next weigh-in is not for another week, but just to-day I had to tighten my belt by another hole to keep my pants in place. (For a fatty fat fat, my arse is very flat, too flat to provide a ledge upon which to perch my pants.) I've never before used this hole, not in all the years I've owned this belt. It is possible that my waist is not constricting, that instead the leather is becoming more elastic as it wears; the merciless scale will tell the tale on Christmas Day.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "The Night Santa Went Crazy" from Bad Hair Day (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: For more murderous Yuletide mayhem, see Blue Tree Whacking Films's Smith and Winkler Save Christmas.

"Down in the workshop, all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys,
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death.
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath,
From his beard to his boots, he was covered in ammo,
Like a big, fat, drunk, disgruntled, Yuletide Rambo,
And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye,
'Merry Christmas to all, now you're all gonna die!'…"

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXI

Neuschwanstein Castle, the fanciful vision of the "Mad King," Ludwig II of Bavaria.







Commentary: There are summertime photographs o' Neuschwanstein Castle aplenty, but to your humble narrator the world is at its most beautiful beneath a light blanket of snow. 'Tis the season!

The Victors
28 December will see the valiant Wolverines pitted against the epithetless Wildcats of Kansas State (widely known as "K-State") in the (tasteless sponsor) Bowl. Should the valiant Wolverines play as they did against the hated Buckeyes, they will have a fair chance at victory. Should the valiant Wolverines play as they did most of the rest of the season, we will have little to no hope of victory. Win & the valiant Wolverines will finish 8-5 on the year for the second consecutive season; lose & we will finish a disgraceful 7-6. Win or lose, Brady Hoke must be fired.

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
Barenaked Ladies, "Green Christmas" from Barenaked for the Holidays (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: After all, what would vapid, commercialized secular Christmas be without a little misery? The titular hue in "Green Christmas" refers to that old green-eyed monster, envy.

"Green, 'cause of everything I miss:
All this mistletoe, no kiss;
And with every Christmas wish,
There would be no greater gift
Than to have this envy lift…"

Autobahn
By my count, I brushed newly fallen snow off the Lumi, the Distaff Son of the Mousemobile no fewer than five times on Saturday: before dawn, on the way to Breakfast with Santa; midway through Breakfast with Santa when I needed to run home to fetch something; after Breakfast with Santa; when I went to the K. of C. fundraiser; when I left the K. of C. fundraiser. Total accumulation was no more than four or five inches, but it fell steadily over an elongated period.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
Michael Bublé, "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" from Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Third Sunday of Advent
Sufjan Stevens, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" from Songs for Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
The Puppini Sisters, "Here Comes Santa Claus" from Christmas with the Puppini Sisters (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I had planned on "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" as today's R.B.D.C.S.O.T.D., but I was awake & out of the house before dawn, preparing for the K. of C.'s annual Breakfast with Santa. The Kinder loved it!

Last week, I had the misfortune of hearing a little bit of N.P.R.'s wretched A Prairie Home Companion, featuring a musical act that had butchered the lyrics of "Here Comes Santa Claus" to advance an aggressive secularist agenda. For shame! The fiends had changed the line "Santa knows we're all God's children" to "Santa knows we're all good children." The American Santa Claus is derived principally from the Dutch Sinterklaas, who is in turn based on legendary tales of the historical Saint Nicholas. Saint Nicholas, a Christian saint & champion of Trinitarian orthodoxy against the Arian heresy, knows that we're all good children, but not God's children? If you want to argue a secularist or even an atheist agenda, such is your right, but please do so with a modicum of intelligence.

"Here comes Santa Claus,
Here comes Santa Claus,
Right down Santa Claus Lane.
He doesn't care if you're rich or poor,
He loves you just the same;
Santa knows that we're God's children,
That makes everything right.
Fill your heart with the Christmas cheer,
Santa Claus comes tonight!…"

On the one hand, 'tis Friday the Thirteenth, a coincidence of day & date often viewed as spooky if not downright malign. On the other hand, 'tis Advent, & despite the line in "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" about "scary ghost stories," A Christmas Carol is the only scary ghost story commonly associated with this time o' year, & even that ends up being, ultimately, a cheerfully redemptive tale, not what one expects from a ghost story; so, methinks this is not the ideal time of year for supernatural horror, thrills, & chills. On the gripping hand… is there a gripping hand in this instance? On the one hand, malevolence, on the other hand, benevolence. What "—volence" is left for the gripping hand? A puzzlement.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
The Klezmonauts, "Carol of the Bells" from Oy to the World: A Klezmer Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

Objective ZED ALPHA OMEGA

On to-night's episode of Jeopardy!, a clue was given about a pair of animals donated to the San Diego zoo by Australia in the 1920s (or '30s). The obvious guess is koala. The contestant who rang in answered, "What is the wombat?" Jeopardy!'s host, Mr. Alex Trebek, informed her that she was incorrect, that the correct answer was the koala. He then added the admonishment, "Remember, Australia." Wait, what? Wombats are native to Australia, Trebek! The wombat is a marsupial, just like the koala, & native to Australia—Australia & only Australia. The wombat is native to no other part of the world, Trebek, so what exactly did you mean by "Remember, Australia"? In an instant my eyes were opened to the truth that had long resided in my heart but never quite filtered up to my magpie mind: Alex Trebek is my archenemy.



I haven't had an archenemy since high school, when I decisively defeated Sean Dale through the implicit threat of physical violence. I've rued not having an archenemy lo these many years. How did I not see what was before my very eyes? Trebek. Always Trebek. Smug, condescending Trebek. Of course! I will destroy Alex Trebek. I must. I don't yet know the means, I don't yet know the hour, but Trebek will be crushed beneath every last ounce of his well-earned comeuppance.

As I sat down to type these lines I recalled that I'd never actually explained the confrontation I'd had with Trebek when I appeared as a contestant on Jeopardy!; I made reference to it, but wrote that the tale would keep "for another time" (Wayback Machine). That time has come.

I entered "Final Jeopardy!" with approximately two-thirds of the scores of the returning champion & the other challenger, who were very close together. I was the only contestant not to have landed on a "Daily Double," which was vexing because the returning champ landed on one & then got it wrong. As I was standing next to him, I was screaming in my head, "Manuel Noriega! Who is Manuel Noriega? It's Manuel Noriega! Who else could it be? Noriega!" (The answer was Manuel Noriega. But I digress.) For "Final Jeopardy!" we were presented with a picture portrait & asked to identify both the subject & the artist. All three of us correctly identified the subject as Vincent Van Gogh, but only one of us, my fellow challenger, correctly identified the artist: Paul Gauguin. I guessed Pierre-Auguste Renoir, a shot in the dark; I forget whom the returning champion guessed. At the end of the show, the host & the contestants gather in the space 'twixt his & their podiums & chit-chat under the scrolling on-screen credits. This was when Trebek admonished me & the returning champion, excoriating us for not recalling the friendship 'twixt Van Gogh & Gauguin. I didn't so much mind the money I'd not won—easy come, easy go—but I am a competitor & had just lost the most high-profile competition I'd ever contested. My blood was up. The last thing, the very last thing I was of a humor to suffer was some pampered dilettante with a paid research staff (!) & the answers printed on notecards (!) lecturing me about what I should or should not have known. In that moment, any & all respect I might ever have had for Alex Trebek died. So, in a fit of pique I shall never regret, not in the slightest, I looked him square in his supercilious mug & said, "You should do this for a living."

Yet to destroy a man over a single slight would be petty & not a little bit mad. No, that would be simple revenge, an unworthy & self-destructive indulgence. I can forgive what Trebek said to me. But consider to-night's contestant. "Remember, Australia." She had named an animal found nowhere else in the world but Australia, but answered incorrectly. Was the sting of failure not enough to satisfy Trebek? She'd also lost points (represented by money, but not corresponding to monies to be claimed as a prize). Had she not suffered enough? No, such is Trebek's villainy that he felt it imperative to humiliate the woman by mocking her failure. His mockery wasn't even correct! His mockery was counter-factual nonsense, presuming as it must that wombats are somehow not as native to Australia as koala. So, a hypothetical defender of Trebek's craven & cruel behavior cannot even claim that it had a pedagogical motive. What he said to that woman was just mean. Mean & petty—& wrong, both factually & morally. To end his reign of smug superiority, I must destroy Alex Trebek. I will destroy Alex Trebek.

This drawing is titled, "Combat Wombat."

Code Name: CHAOS
The ultimately successful quest to be a contestant on Jeopardy! was code named Objective ZED ALPHA. Had I not been accepted as a contestant on the first attempt, the second, third, & subsequent attempts would have been Objective ZED BETA, Objective ZED GAMMA, & so on. Drawing from that same vein, the quest to destroy Trebek, to end his reign of televisual tyranny, will be known as—Objective ZED OMEGA!

Operation ÖSTERREICH

Since the last ÖSTERREICH post (Wayback Machine), I have reduced my weight by an additional seven pounds. I missed my Wednesday weigh-in, but made up for it this morning. Thus, in the last twenty-nine days I have reduced my weight by twelve pounds (that's nine-tenths of a stone). It is not my intention to boast. If I am at long last to stop making a hash of Operation ÖSTERREICH, accurate recording & reporting are imperative.

As to means & methods, my diet is not yet as spartan as might be wished, but I have found success & indeed satisfaction by following a tip from Comrade Coquettish, who is in ridiculously, intimidatingly good shape. (Seriously, her stomach is hard as stone. She is a tiny waif of a creature, but fierce & perpetually in fighting trim.) Her advice? Eat only two meals a day. This dovetails nicely with my parish priest's, Father Anderson, recent enthusiasm for fasting. Gluttony is a sin with which I have long fought a losing battle, & trying to eat better produced only sporadic results, so a change of tactic seemed prudent. If I cannot eat better, I can at least eat less. So far so good.

For best results, I need to twin this new, ramshackle discipline with an increase in my caloric burn, re-activating the other half of Operation ÖSTERREICH.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
The Puppini Sisters, "Jingle Bells" from Christmas with the Puppini Sisters (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: The Puppini Sisters sing a crackerjack rendition of "Jingle Bells," driven by relentless drums & punctuated by a ripping horn straight out of an old time dance hall. From stem to stern, from the opening "Step Into Christmas" to the closing "Jingle Bells," Christmas with the Puppini Sisters is a firecracker of an album. Plus, they sing scat like a trio of infinitely more alluring Cab Calloways.

The Victors: Project OSPREY

Saturday, 7 December 2013
(№ 22) Michigan 107-53 Houston Baptist
6-3, Big Ten 0-0

I finally had time this evening to watch last Saturday's shellacking; blowouts aren't as amusing as tight games, but there is no way not to have fun watching your club score over a hundred points. What was there to learn from such a "glorified practice," as the commentators repeatedly called the uncontested contest? Two things. One, the valiant Wolverines placed clear emphasis on playing as a unit: on making the extra pass & on garnering assists. Such is the John Beilein offense, so if the valiant Wolverines are to have success going forward they will need to play as a club, not simply as a collection of talented individuals. In Bo Schembechler's immortal words, "The team, the team, the team." Two, I don't care who the competition is, holding a basketball club to less than twenty points in a half is a superb feat of defensive basketball; the epithetless Huskies scored only nineteen points after halftime. The valiant Wolverines have a long way to go to achieve the defensive mastery sufficient to compete at the highest level of college basketball, but Saturday's effort was a step in the right direction. The valiant Wolverines had a lot of fun & were a lot of fun to watch on their way to scoring one hundred seven. Woot!

Next: Arizona, at the Crisler Center. The epithetless Wildcats are the № 1 club in the country following the dastardly Spartans' thorough defeat at the hands of the epithetless Tar Heels. The valiant Wolverines dropped out of the Associated Press Top 25 poll on the Monday following the Houston Baptist game. Michigan is still ranked, № 25, in the Coaches' Poll, but we here at The Secret Base have a long-standing practice of subscribing to the A.P. only, ignoring the "U.P.I." as the vapid beauty contest it is; I will not favor the coaches just because they happen to hold the valiant Wolverines in higher regard that the sportswriters, for to do so would be to engage in the most vile fair weather faithlessness.

Go Blue!

Zooey Deschanel Appreciation Day

My cheerful demeanor masks a deeply entrenched misanthropy, the product of decades of interactions with my fellow man. In turn, that misanthropy protects a warm & fuzzy core of not merely sentimentalism but outright sappiness. I am a sap, a hopeless romantic. (A dateless loser in R.B.F.'s sympathetic & sensitive reckoning.) To that end, I have been endlessly pleased by Jess & Nick's courtship on New Girl; my only complaint is that Nick Miller is the most frighteningly close portrait of me I've ever encountered on network television, so how did he end up with a Jessica Day? Curse you, television, & your better-the-real-life promises of a life better than real! But no matter, the vast, vast majority of me is tickled pink every time Nick & Jess overcome an obstacle.



Also, my hearts breaks a little bit every episode that Schmidt & Cece aren't together. Yankee Kilo Mike, writers: You're killing me!

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
She & Him, "Little Saint Nick" from A Very She & Him Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: A Very She & Him Christmas is for the most part a great big depressing downer of an album, the soundtrack of the least jolly Yuletide imaginable. "Little Saint Nick" shows a little bit of life, a little bit of whimsy.

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
The Brian Setzer Orchestra, "The Nutcracker Suite" from Elf: Music from the Major Motion Picture (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Every year I mean to make an effort to get more into the music of the Brian Setzer Orchestra, but as I have only this solitary song in my library, every year as soon as Christmas comes & goes the idea flies right out of my head. Nth time's the charm, right?

The Rebel Black Dot Christmas Song of the Day
Catherine O'Hara, Danny Elfman, & Paul Reubens, "Kidnap the Sandy Claws" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Not much of a Christmas song, really, but as we were decking the halls yesterday I found myself singing the line, "Kidnap the Sandy Claws…," & humming where I didn't recall the words. The Nightmare Before Christmas is apropos, methinks, for any time 'twixt All Hallows' Eve & Christmas Eve.

"Kidnap the Sandy Claws!
Throw him in a box!
Bury him for ninety years,
Then see if he talks…

"Kidnap the Sandy Claws!
Beat him with a stick!
Lock him up for ninety years,
See what makes him tick…"

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXX

The life & art of Gustav Klimt (1862-1918).

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Second Sunday of Advent
User name: dgalster, "The King of Glory Comes" via the YouTube (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: The iTunes Store has been useless; it does not seem to have a single version or rendition of "The King of Glory Comes" on offer. Compared to today's R.B.D.S.O.T.D., there are longer, musically superior renditions of "The King of Glory Comes" available via the YouTube, but they are instrumentals that skimp on the song's essential lyrics. Thus, "dgalster" (which I would surmise is meant as "D. Galster," but with the interwebs one never knows) gets the nod: "The King of Glory"-link. Much obliged, stranger.

"The King of Glory comes,
The nation rejoices!
Open the gates before Him,
Lift up your voices!
Who is the King of Glory?
How shall we call Him?
He is Emmanuel,
The promised of ages!"

Project GLOWWORM

Last week, I acquired a new pair of Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars; they were sorely overdue, as my previous Chucks had both torn at the heel, the canvas body ripping & pulling away from the rubber sole. This was a unique structural failure in my twenty years' experience of wearing Chuck Taylor All-Stars. Yes, dear readers, as I purchased the shoes in November, still part of the fall, it dawned on me that Fall 2013 is twenty years after Fall 1993, which is when I began high school, & began wearing All-Stars. Facing the epoch of high school, I had decided that I needed a new look. For me, that meant a new haircut (wearing my hair shorter than ever before [the haircut I still have today, actually, minus the whiskers]) & new shoes. I aped my sister, The L.A.W., & chose Chuck Taylors. I have worn Chuck Taylor All-Stars ever since. I have always worn the classic black & white scheme; I've entertained the idea of different colors, but push come to shove I've always plumped for the classic design. I have in recent years branched out from the classic high tops into warm-weather-friendly low tops, but still in black & white. I don't get to wear my Chuck Taylor All-Stars every day of the week as I once did, but the perfect fit of the new pair reminded that I am a fool if I don't wear All-Stars at every decorous opportunity. I've been blessed with twenty fabulous years of going abroad shod with Chuck Taylor All-Stars & go forth in hopeful expectation of another fabulous twenty years ahead.



The Rebel Black Dot Song of This Day
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, "Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah" from Pin Points and Gin Joints (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: The first time I heard of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, years before I first heard them in the magical Summer of Ska (1997), was in the early '90s, in an advert for Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars that the then-teenaged The L.A.W. had ripped out of a magazine & taped to the wall in her bedroom. In the advert, Dicky Barrett was explicitly stated not to be the lead singer of the Bosstones, but rather the lead vocalist. (Dicky used to do a lot more screaming, when the Bosstones were more heavy metal-influenced.) On this arbitrarily-chosen day when I commemorate twenty years of wearing All-Stars, who else but The Mighty Mighty Bosstones could supply the R.B.D.S.O.T.D.?

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Electric Light Orchestra, "Mr. Blue Sky" via the YouTube (Doctor Hee Haw)

Commentary: V.W.-link. I would have loved to see this commercial developed into a television drama (or maybe a dramedy, with screwball elements) about protagonist Mr. Bill Briggs & the prison that modern life can so easily become. "Mr. Blue Sky" would have of course been the show's theme song.

My thanks to Doc Hee Haw—who is either the single best thing about the Sunshine State ("America's Wang" in The Watergirl's memorable phrase) or the second best thing, after Less Than Jake—for nominating "Mr. Blue Sky" as a R.B.D.S.O.T.D. in response to Monday's R.B.D.S.O.T.D., "The Rubberband Man." I trust my favorite sawbones, always a good-humored fellow, not to be offended by my ambivalence.

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXIX

The Arian Heresy, Part III: Saint Athanasius, oft-exiled Bishop of Alexandria (296-373); the chaotic & dueling Councils of Rimini, Seleucia (both 359), & Constantinople (360); & the ultimate triumph of Trinitarian orthodoxy at the First Council of Constantinople (381).

The Victors: Project OSPREY

I had reasons to be on my church's campus on both Tuesday & Wednesday nights, but from the time I returned home to the time I retired to bed my attention was dominated by the Big Ten/A.C.C. Challenge, which ended in a 6-6 tie betwixt the conferences for the second straight year. The graphics rendering the event as the B1G/A.C.C. Challenge were useful, in that they reminded me of how deeply I dislike the "B1G" logo. I was grateful that in other instances the Big Ten's name was written out as "Big Ten."

Friday, 29 November 2013
(№ 22) Michigan 87-45 Coppin State
5-2, Big Ten 0-0

Two notable items gleaned from the Coppin State game. One, the excellent three-point shooting of freshman forward Zak Irvin was most welcome. Irvin was "Mr. Basketball" in the State of Indiana last year, so his recruitment out from under the noses of both the wily Hoosiers & ill-starred Boilermakers (both schools are located in basketball-crazed Indiana & are traditional "roundball" powers) is another major coup for Michigan head coach John Beilein. ("Happy days are here again!") Two, Coppin State's head coach is named "Fang" Mitchell. That is too, too cool.

Tuesday, 3 December 2013
(№ 10) Duke 79-69 Michigan (№ 22)
5-3, Big Ten 0-0

Crumbs! This author certainly hopes that sophomore forward Nik Stauskus was stymied by the lingering effects of an ankle injury he sustained against Charlotte, because otherwise the dominance of the Duke defense over our leading scorer augurs ill for this season's prospects; Stauskus was held without a field goal, scoring all four of his points from the free throw line. The good news for the valiant Wolverines, despite the loss, is that they played the epithetless Blue Devils even in the second half, even without Stauskus's normal offense. Sophomore guard Caris LeVert was far & away the most energetic valiant Wolverine, leading the charge with a career-high twenty-four points. Sophomore forward Mitch McGary scored fifteen, even though he is still getting up to speed after missing time due to a back injury, & freshman guard Derrick Walton Jr.'s development continued ('tis no easy task, filling the shoes of the departed Trey Burke). Irvin fell back to earth, after a stellar showing the week before against Coppin State.

I counsel patience to those who are rending their clothes & gnashing their teeth of this year's squad of valiant Wolverines. Yes, three losses already by this early stage is disappointing, especially in light of last year's school-record winning streak of sixteen games to open the season, but the squad that represents the Maize & Blue is yet very young, boasting only two upperclassmen on the whole roster. Plus, there is no easy way to replace last year's two leading scorers, Burke & Tim Hardaway Jr., now both moved on to the N.B.A. They are still finding their identity, whereas last year's squad was a continuation of the '11-'12 effort. I, too, am concerned that sophomore forward Glenn Robinson III might never live up to his prodigious potential, but let's not give up on him just yet. Big Ten play is still almost a month away, so there is plenty of time for the valiant Wolverines to find their form.

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Songs of the Day
Barenaked Ladies, "Hanukkah Blessings" from Barenaked for the Holidays (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Hanukkah ends to-day at sundown. This less than gentle & genteel Gentile failed utterly in his goal of spending a little time each day of Hanukkah reading from the First & Second Books of Maccabees. Curses, foiled (by himself) again!

"We remember how Maccabees
Fought so all of us could be free…"

Mittwoch, 4 Dezember
Christina Perri, "A Thousand Years" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Apparently, this song comes from one of the later Twilight motion pictures. While that is deeply unfortunate, don't get hung up on it; "A Thousand Years" is a pretty & pretty sappy little ditty, ultimately harmful to no one.

Science!

I first heard the B.B.C.'s reporting about this research last night, as I was retiring; my response was, "Well, duh": brain/sex link-link. My favorite line was uttered by the study-in-question's author, a Doctor Gur, who said, "It's quite striking how complementary the brains of women and men really are." Quite striking, indeed! I have to smile whenever brilliant researchers on the very cutting edge of science spend years conducting detailed investigations that "reveal"— usually to their shock & occasionally to their dismay—self-evident truths accessible to anyone who bothers to gaze upon the subtlety & beauty of Creation. Women & men are complementary. You don't say!

The social scientists like to say that gender is a social construct. You know what? They might be right, gender might well be a social construct. Sex, however, is another matter entirely. Sex is a biological fact, accessible to us through anatomy, genetics, & now neuroscience.

"Science!"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
They Might Be Giants, "Brain Problem Situation" from Cast Your Pod to the Wind (T.L.A.M.)

Autobahn | Urbi et Orbi

Now that Advent is upon us, the Lumi, the Distaff Son of the Mousemobile is festooned with a magnet, a heart containing silhouettes of Our Lady & Saint Joseph kneeling over the manger & emblazoned with the words, "This season, remember the reason." I would never have acquired such a thing of my own volition; 'tis a gift from one of my brother Knights & his wife. They mean well, but I find their intense interest in my life to be intrusive, & thus irksome. (I'm not private, I'm secretive. There is a difference.) We are not meant to keep to ourselves, we are meant to be part of a community, but this is a new way of living to me, one with which I am far from accustomed. 'Tis a gift, & I could not refuse, all the more so since I share the magnet's sentiment. The magnet is attached to the Lumi's driver's side "C" pillar as 'tis too large to attach to the rearward-facing, vertical surface of her trunk & the suitably-sized bumper is non-metallic.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Spinners, "The Rubberband Man" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "The Rubberband Man" goes on for nearly seven & a half minutes & never once in that stretch does is fail to be anything less than completely captivating.

"Hey, y'all, prepare yourself
For the Rubberband Man,
You've never heard a sound
Like the Rubberband Man,
You're bound to lose control
When the Rubberband starts to jam…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the First Sunday of Advent
The Civil Wars, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" via iTunes, (free) Single of the Week (***distaff, code name pending***)

Commentary: Curse me as a liar for violating my promise not to feature Yuletide music for yet another week, but only to-day did I remember the tradition begun just last year of featuring an sacred song on each Sunday of Advent. Pray pardon my inconstancy, but if you cannot then I accept the blame, & wish you to know that I am content to be condemned as perfidious as I transgressed into perfidy only in order to honor the coming of the Christ Child. Advent is upon us; rejoice! rejoice!

"O come, o come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel…"